Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
