No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
