Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
All I want is dick and wine.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
