Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
