you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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