So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
so let's talk penis.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
