yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
