Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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