So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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