Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
