oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
