he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
