I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
