So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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