It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
