Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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