at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
did i just pee glitter
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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