This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
