She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
