i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Is it because I queefed?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
