508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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