Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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