Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
this hospital has no fireball
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
