I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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