Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
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