My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
