...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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