Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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