And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
