I think I just saw someone hide a body.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
