Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
