Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
