So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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