i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
