shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
