theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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