Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
