I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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