Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You pole danced in your parka.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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