he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize