Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
