using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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