I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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