I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
