I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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