I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
