the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
