If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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