I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize