4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
