i already hear my dad disowning me
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I supernannyed him into submission
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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