I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
