he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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