i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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