if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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