we have officially lost it.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
