We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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