Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
