my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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