After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
