In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
