So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
