normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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