Your mouth is God's brothel.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
