you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
