Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
