I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
