dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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