She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
