Pappa wants mamma naked
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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